Can I just say, while we're on this topic, that I love sleeping alone! Bed - all to myself! Covers - all to myself! Reading - as long as I want! Noise - none, except for any I might make! Waking up - whenever I want!



In fact, when I finally find a man worthy of me, we are going to have separate bedrooms that we can retire to when we so choose, or perhaps even separate houses. A duplex might be the best answer. YOU THINK I'M KIDDING?



Anyway. I have lots of negative things to say about the male of the species right now, but why dwell on that? I am so fabulously successful and hot and stylish and witty and popular that I can afford to be generous right now to all the poor schlubs out there who call themselves "men."



So here's what I'm gonna do. I'm going to compile a list of everything that I - Seattle's most eligible bachelorette! - is looking for in a man, culled from all the best qualities that my various boyfriends* have had. Bonus points if you can guess which qualities belong to which boyfriends.

Cooks for me sometimes (or always)

Loves kissing and will do it for more than 30 seconds at a time

Loves to travel

Scales mountains,climbs rocks, rides bikes, skis, hikes, or at the very least will do one or all of these things when entreated by moi

Plays music

Reads books

Laughs at himself

Makes me laugh so hard I cry

Throws me up against a wall and/or hoists me onto the kitchen counter in the heat of passion

Does other things in the heat of passion that I can't talk about here

Doesn't freak out when I get "moody"

Is emotionally stable

Loves dogs and children

Showers affection on me sometimes (or always)

Tells me I'm beautiful sometimes (or always)

Takes their medications regularly



OK, now is that so much to ask? DON'T ANSWER. This is my list - no snide comments please!



(Though, as always, all other comments are welcome.)



Interested applicants can apply within, along with three references from previous girlfriends and certificate of health from a psychiatrist.



*Boyfriend=we dated for more than two hours