Thursday, December 29, 2005

So, Peter asks, what would Trixie do about a guy she has no chemistry with?

Trixie would dump his sorry a*s in a heartbeat, of course, because she is all about excitement and chemistry!

Clearly I have the same issue or I would be long married and saddled with 2.5 screaming kids by now. Only, unlike Trixie, I'm all ambivalent about it and stuff. I want the excitement of a gazillion flings and endless possiblity yet I want the security of knowing someone is there for me, and will change my diapers when I get too old to change them myself.

Which desire is controlling me? HMM. I WONDER. Well, I have a little while to get my act together because according to our insightful friend Mr. Helpful, Breakup Babe has "at least ten good years left before she finally sinks into a desperate swamp of unrealized dreams and poisonous desire. "

MEANWHILE. A miracle has occurred at BB World Headquarters. I have a date for New Year's Eve! Never mind who, exactly, because we all know I don't talk about that kind of thing anymore. Let's just say he's got brains and beauty and serious stud appeal all wrapped into one 6'2" package. And he's a nice guy on top of that. Now. Moving on...

SAD NEWS. OK I know some of you have been wondering: whatever happened to Dangerously Delightful Boy? I haven't spoken of this up until now because...well, it's been difficult.

But the fact is, he recently drowned in a mysterious accident in Lake Washington. The cause of his drowning is not really known but officials suspect that DDB, who was out for a bracing morning swim, suddenly sunk due to the weight of all his emotional baggage.

Said Detective John Arnold, of the Seattle Police Department, "DDB really was trying to move on with his life and get to a better place. Unfortunately, he was stuck in a Groundhog Day sort of situation and even the abundant charms of BB weren't enough to lure him out of it. Too bad too, 'cause she really liked that guy despite his multiple red flags." Well, he's out of it now and we hope he's gone to a better place. RIP DDB.

That's all the news that's fit to print for now. Happy New Year's my little darlings.

xo
BB

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

He's a Nice Guy, But...

In today's weekly dating advice column, "Wondering" wonders how long to wait to see if chemistry kicks in.

Hi there - I am one of your long term fans - 29 years old, female. So I finally broke down and tried online dating for the first time. On the site I met this guy who is really great and very compatible with me in many ways. He is smart, successful, very kind, generous, multi-dimensional, well-traveled, and has a good sense of humor! And he really wants to get married and have kids!!!

Problem is, I am not sure I am attracted enough to him. When I first saw him my immediate gut reaction was that, while he was fine, I was not attracted to him, but then he was such a nice and interesting guy that I kept on dating him thinking maybe those feelings would evolve.

I have been out with him about 5 times now. We have kissed which was fine, but not "magical" for me in any way. He is not an unattractive guy, and I suspect that his body may actually be rather nice, but I don't know -- I just don't find myself looking at him and thinking "Oh he is so cute".. I feel really badly abut it and I am disappointed because he is so great; if only I could just get into the physical side of things!!

I mean, the man has already invited me to travel with him to schmooze with Nelson Mandela in Africa and skiing in Colorado, etc. (for real - I am not kidding). How long can I keep trying before I know for sure that I am just never going to 'feel it'? He is a good guy and I want to be fair to him...Should I just try hooking up with him and see how it goes? Or will that just make things worse?
-Wondering

Dear Wondering,
This is a tough one. I have polled a few (male) friends of mine to see what their advice would be, and they have said, without hesitation, "Dump him. Chemistry is too important, blah blah." (Men! Always thinking about s*x!)

I agree that chemistry is important. However, chemistry is not always instantaneous. In three out of the four long-term relationships I've had, I was friends with the guy for a good couple months before I really fell for them - and then when I did fall, I fell hard.

But if I had met them under some high-pressure dating situation - oh, let's say ONLINE DATING for example - where you're on a mission to meet THE guy, and you've got candidates waiting in line I would probably have dismissed them and missed out on a lot of great experiences. (Including getting cheated on and lied to but never mind about that 'cause I got a novel out of it!)

So. That said, how do you handle this situation? What I would probably do (and what I have done in similar situations) is to tell him how you feel, and ask him if you could try being friends to see if chemistry develops.

He might just tell you to f*ck off, because after all, men get sick of the "friends" line (who can blame them?), and there are plenty of other babes on the Internet to choose from. To be honest, when I have tried this backing-off tactic myself (not coincidentally, with people I've met online), it hasn't worked out romantically.

The upside of Internet dating is that there is a cornucopia of men out there just waiting to meet you. The downside is most of them are wrong for you.

So I say don't force it with this buy. Be honest with him and see what happens. It could be he splits. It could be that you become the best of friends and you get to schmooze with Nelson Mandela anyway. It could be that he's the love of your life but the relationship needs room to grow. That's what I'm hoping anyway.

Good luck,
BB

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Due to the holiday, this week's long-awaited dating advice column will be posted TOMORROW (Wednesday) instead of, um, yesterday. Thanks for your patience and meanwhile send me your dating questions at breakupbabe@msn.com. Answering them will give me something to do on New Year's Eve as I have NOT BEEN INVITED TO ANY PARTIES!

xo
BB

Saturday, December 24, 2005

All right, time to stop pussyfooting around. I gotta get started with a new book. I already have three partially-written books to choose from!

It’s just that once you lose momentum on a project, it’s hard to get it back. Especially when it sucks, as all first drafts inevitably do. So I’ve got two partially written Nanowrimo drafts – this years and last’s – both of which I had to put down because of my little darling novel. Besides those two, there is my unfinished “first book,” but it’s really like Breakup Babe, the Early Years. I’m thinking we don’t really need a prequel to BB.

So, as you can see, I’m full of excuses. But it’s time to just take one of those ideas – or a brand new one – and just bash out a VERY BAD first draft. Because, the truth is, even though I fully expect to become a bestselling author toute de suite, and for Leonardo diCaprio to invite me to live on his own personal island with him to help him get over Gisele - even if I never have to toil in the innards of Geeksoft again – the sad fact is that if I’m not writing, I won’t be happy. Even with Leonardo and all our combined millions.

Now there are things to write other than books, it’s true. I’d also like to become a writer for glossy magazines, jetting off on assignment to Tahiti or the Yukon whenever I feel like it. I’m working on that. But I think I thrive on the sort of sustained creative effort it takes to write a book and I think that by the end of next month, I need to have a VERY BADLY WRITTEN FIRST DRAFT of something. Anything.

I also thrive on love, just like every other damn person on the planet, and – despite some run-of-the-mill “issues” – am actually pretty lovable! Yet love eludes me, time after time. These days I have a new song to sing in the band – a Maria McKee song (recently covered by the Dixie Chicks) – that I get to belt out very melodramatically. It starts out like this and continues in the same self-pitying vein:

There is no good reason I should have to feel so alone
I’m smothered by this emptiness, Lord I wish I was made of stone…

Blah blah blah

Another night surROUNDS me, And it POUNDS me like a wave
God HELP me, am I the only one who’s EVER felt this way!

At which point I fall down on stage and put a knife through my heart. Now I’m no Natalie Maines but she’s all happily married and stuff now. I think I bring a little more feeling to the song, if not quite the same vocal styling.

In still more non-love-news, what do you know but the object of all those slo-mo dreams unexpectedly extends an offer to spend more time with me. Gulp. Though I can still say there is only a 96.8% chance we will never have a lasting relationship, I now rate my chance of throwing myself at him in a fit of love-starved passion as about 39%.

But enough of me and my self-pity. It’s time to check in with Trixie and see what she’s got on deck for this holiday weekend, during which I, Breakup Babe, am ORPHANED and SAD.

BB: Trixie, what’s the latest in love?

Trixie: (Impatiently). What’s love got to do with it? You know I’ve given up on love for a while and am all about s*x.

BB: Really? I wish I could be that way! I mean, I used to sleep around a lot but now I don’t even sleep with someone until I know the relationship is going somewhere, which means, well –

Trixie: Yes, BB, we know what that means. Why don’t you give yourself a little break this holiday season? You know, take a “vacation from implication” and just f*ck some hot guy. (Takes a sip of her Cosmo and looks at BB with clear and sparkling eyes. She looks suspiciously fresh for getting only four hours of sleep last night.). I mean, no wonder you’re so uptight.

BB: Well…like who?

Trixie: Oh, you know, what about that hot stunt pilot you’re about to go on a date with? I mean, the stuff he does is so f*cking dangerous he’ll be dead soon anyway; you don’t really have time to wait around, if you know what I mean.

BB: (Shocked. Then thoughtful.). Hmm. Well – I don’t – I mean -

Trixie: (Drains her drink and stands up. All heads swivel at the sight of her long legs encased in the clingiest corduroy.). Listen chick, I gotta go get a bikini wax. Think about it anyway, OK? You’re looking a little – I dunno – tense.

BB: (Feeling a bit self-conscious in her baggy-at-the-butt jeans, wondering if she too, should get a biking wax.). OK, I’ll think about it. See ya. (Trixie breezes out of the bar without a care in the world, leaving BB behind, even more loaded down with worry than she was before).

But never fear, my darlings, with the help of alcohol, I shall survive this holiday season! May your own holidays be full of presents.

Toodles,
BB

Monday, December 19, 2005

Dearest Readers,
In today's weekly advice column, I answer a question from "Jo," who - like so many of us - seeks to solve the mysteries of the male brain.

Dear Breakup Babe,
My question isn't exactly relationship related. It's more quasi-relationship related. There's a boy I like, but I've never met him in person. This is a blog crush. We've chatted for hours and hours and HOURS and we get along really well.

We get along so well, in fact, that when I needed to decide in which city I would take a review course I need, I decided to take it in his city so that we could meet up. Now I really like this guy, and as I'm incapable of being mysterious, he knows that I really like him. And sometimes he seems to like me too, but on several occasions (after I've said something that is particularly charming to him), he has said something along the lines of, "How is it that I'm not crazy about you?"

My response is typically, "Because you're a bleeping moron??", but what I'm wondering, is why does he ask? What does that mean?? Does it mean that he's honestly confused as to why he doesn't have feelings for me? Or does it mean that he does have feelings but doesn't want to admit it? Is he trying to push me away, or bring me in closer? Be a challenge or take himself out of the picture? WHAT WHAT WHAT???!!!???

By the way, the last time he asked me that, I told him to QUIT because it was super annoying. So he won't be asking anymore, but I really do wonder why he ever asked in the first place.
-Jo

Dear Jo,
In this case, you could either do as I would do or do as I say. If it were me flirting with this bleeping moron, I would probably ignore the major red flags he’s waving right in my starry-eyed face, fall in love and end up flat on my ass a few months later when he’s still saying “Why is it that I’m not crazy about you?”

In fact that phrase gives me the shivers because of its eerie familiarity. As to what it “means” exactly, who knows? Is he confused? Undoubtedly. Is he trying to push you away or bring you a closer? Probably both. But in the end, he’s probably a loser who’s either 1)not over his divorce, 2)still f*cking his ex-wife 3)forgotten to take his lithium 4)all of the above. But I digress.

I will give you the advice that a very wise GalPal of mine always gives me when I attempt to “analyze” something a guy says. Her oh-so-sensible advice is: “Take what he says at face value.” In other words, don’t try to read behind the lines. Men usually aren’t thinking anything more complicated then: “Me must have s*x. But me no want commitment! How get sex with no commitment?”

So, if we take Mr. Blog Crush at face value, we deduce that he likes you but is not into you romantically. Perhaps the poor guy is even upset and confused about this given how well you get along. My heart bleeds for him. But even though it’s very confusing to hear him say he’s not into you (after all, he spends hours chatting with you!), you would be wise to take him literally, cut your losses and run - before you head down the Breakup Babe road to ruin!

That doesn’t mean he can’t prove you (or me) wrong. After all, you guys haven’t even met yet! But I advise you to seriously back off on the flirtation with this guy. If he comes back begging for more; if he makes an effort to come see you; then you know that he’s sincerely interested. (Sad but true fact of human nature: people always want what they can't get). Right now he’s just f*cking with you - probably unintentionally - but still: I say wean yourself from this dead-end virtual relationship if you can, and make yourself available to men in your own zip code!

Good luck.
BB

In next week's advice column, stay tuned for a question from Kawaii, who writes, "How long can I keep trying before I know for sure that I am just never going to feel "It." He is a good guy and I want to be fair to him...Should I just try hooking up with him and see how it goes? Or will that just make things worse?"

Friday, December 16, 2005

Do you ever have recurring dreams about a person with whom you are 96.8% sure you will never have a relationship?

We're not talking s*x dreams here .No, I'm talking dreams full of romantic longing! Feautring the two of you (tortured artistes both) - wearied and weak from love's ruthless battering- reaching out across the void to comfort each other as melancholy music plays and you embrace on a train hurtling through the dark Hungarian countryside?

Yeah. Well I'm having variations on this damn dream all the time. Then I see this person and have the most stilted conversations known to mankind. After which I go and have some sepia-toned dream about how we're all madly in love again.

LOVE. Does such a thing exist? I think I've known it once or twice but it's been so long I forget what it's like! I keep having dreams about it and in my dreams it feels SO. GOOD. Sigh.

Meanwhile, anyone wanna go trek this baby with me in February? Otherwise I'm gonna pay $2000 to some hot young guide to take me 'cause I like to throw my money around like that. Maybe if I pay a little extra he'll pony up some additional services if you know what I mean.

Before I wrap up, I must extend a word thanks to Sexy Blue-Eyed Boy who is constantly out there on the front lines, trying to find dates for me when I'm home sleeping. He solicits the e-mail addresses of numerous rugged young men and even lies about my age for me. What a pal!

Lastly, don't forget to send your most burning dating questions so I can answer them on Mondays.

xo
BB

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Well people, I have to say this: it's lonely at the top.

How many times have I heard this in the last year from men? "Oh BB, you're too beautiful/successful/adventurous/ brilliant for me! And while I would love to f*ck your brains out, I'm afraid I cannot commit due to the fact that I am only (35-45) years old and not "ready" for a relationship! "

Sheesh. I tell you, men my in my age group are whacked. Their emotional baggage (not to mention those extra pounds they're packin' on) appears to cause paralysis. Let's check in with Trixie, shall we? Never one to care for such things as "the future" and her "unborn children," I bet she's been having more fun than me!

BB: Trixie - while I have been chasing age-appropriate men around in circles, what have you been up to?

Trixie: (tosses long, blonde locks and takes a sip of her Bloody Mary.) Met a hot twenty-something guy a few weeks ago. Spent last weekend with a brooding, broad-shouldered kayak racer. Oh yeah, and finally asked out that outdoorsy writer guy I've been eyeing at the coffee shop.

BB: Jeez. Twenty-something, eh?

Trixie: Yeah. I highly recommend it. They've got way less baggage than the old dudes. They don't worry about the future and all that sh*t. They just go for it. Plus they're more adventurous and spontaneous and will usually stay up past 9 pm and will do things like dance all night long and fool around with you on swingsets in the fog. (Smiles dreamily into her drink).

BB: (Shocked. Then disapproving.) I dunno, Trixie, one of my pet peeves about guys my age is that they're always looking for younger women! I wouldn't want to be a hypocrite.

Trixie (Bored). Well whatever. I'm not telling you what YOU should do. You asked me what I was up to. Now is this interview over? I think you're late for work and I gotta work on my latest assignment for Glamor Magazine.

BB: Wow, what are you writing for Glamor?

Trixie: Oh it's a piece about the most eligible bachelors at Geeksoft. People can't get enough of that damn company. I don't know why. They're so...1995.

BB: (Morose) How did you get that gig? I want to write an article for Glamor about the most eligible bachelors at Geeksoft! Maybe one of them would marry me!

Trixie (Pityingly) Yeah well. Next time you come up with the idea. (Her glacier-blue eyes rove the place like a predator's, then turn back to me) Later, Babe. Good luck. You need it!

And there you have it. Trixie. Not so nice, is she? But she sure has lots of fun and doesn't mope around like some people we know.

Meanwhile, you've read my writing, you've seen my face. Now all that's left is to meet me in person and hear my voice. Well you can hear me now - on WrimoRadio! At the bottom of the WrimoRadio page, click the "Listen Now" link. When the player appears, you can choose to listen to the whole dang thing, or skip to minute 14:35, where the short interview with yours truly starts. I'm talking - of course - about my soon-to-be-born baby, Breakup Babe the novel!

[Quick note about the comments: if Haloscan appears to "eat" your comment - it's not - even if a blank screen appears after you post it. (Grrr.) I'm now moderating the comments which means I get to read/approve all of them before they get published. This is a "beta" feature of Haloscan - hence the wonkiness. We here at BB World Headquarters appreciate your patience in allowing me to filter out the meanies.]

Monday, December 12, 2005

OK all, today is the day you've all been waiting for. You haven't been able to sleep. You haven't been able to eat. Christmas? Eh, who cares! Global warming? Whatever! You have been living only for moment: the inaugural Breakup Babe dating advice column!

Today we have a question from that sassy southern sweetheart,
fellow blogger Virginia Belle. Congrats to Virginia for being the first one to get "official" dating advice from moi, which will no doubt send her spiralling down the road to romantic ruin.

Read on.

Dear Breakup Babe,
I can't wait for your book to come out. I bet it will be awesome. Then I will finally get to hear all of the great stories you and others allude to. I am so excited to get dating advice from you! You're a blog celebrity for pete's sake.
[Note to readers: kissing up to me will get you everywhere.]

Anyway, here is my dating dilemma: I go out, I see guys, I try to flirt/make eye contact, etc. But I get nothing. I try to be approachable by smiling a lot, not going out w/a large group of girls, being relaxed and friendly. Now, I am kind of shy sometimes, which my guy friends have told me makes me come off as snobby. But I really am open to being approached, I swear!

So, until I started on Match.com, I had not been asked on a date in a year. Yes, a year. But now, I get asked out A LOT. So apparently, virtual Virginia Belle is really appealing, while the real-life version of myself is not. Grrrr..... What am I doing wrong?? (Oh, and please don't tell me to approach guys. I have done this before and it's just not my style--it makes me insecure in the relationship.) Any tips you can provide would be very helpful.
-Virginia Belle

Dear Virginia,
First of all, V.B., though I am allowed to wallow in self-pity on this blog, my readers are not. So let’s focus on the positive here. In your own words you get asked out “A LOT.” So, please, take a moment to breathe in deeply and appreciate this fact. Say it to yourself ten times under your breath. “I get asked out A LOT. I am a goddess! I get asked out A LOT. I am a goddess!”

Now, with a little perspective, we can take a look at your so-called “problem.” But first, let’s talk about me. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been approached by men in bars or clubs. Like you, I am oh-so-approachable looking, yet shy(ish). But most men, I happen to know, are just as shy as we are! They are scared of rejection just like us! (If only they KNEW how many of us would give up our phone numbers just like THAT, if they asked!) Which is probably why they’re not swarming all over you in person like they are online: Not because you're not a hottie but probably because you ARE, and because virtual rejection is so much easier to take than real-life rejection.

So here’s how I’ve dealt with this “problem.” I don't expect to meet men when I got out to bars. There are so many other ways to meet them! Through friends, at parties, via my blog, on the high-priced gigolo hotline!

But. If you are really hell-bent on meeting men at nightspots, I will proffer up the following meager words of wisdom:

1)Go with one girlfriend to a bar where you can play pool. Undoubtedly you will be two of only a few women playing and it will give you the chance to interact naturally with males. Be sure to spend lots of time bending over the pool table in your tight jeans. A friend of mine met the man of her husband this way, so I know wherefore I speak.

2)Wear much sluttier clothing than you do now.

On a final note, it is true that my sister met her husband in a bar. HOWEVER. He was way too shy and/or drunk to ask for her phone number after flirting with her, and had it not been for the fact that she hunted him down afterwards - knowing only his first name and the company that he worked at – that my darling niece and newphew are alive today!

So there you have it, Virginia Belle. May the Force be with you. And if not the force than a very tight shirt and a push-up bra.

(Perhaps, if we are very lucky, Kissing Slut – the master of fearless flirtation, and Dating Dummy, former shy guy turned lovable ladies man – will chime in with some advice of their own!)

Next Monday in BB's advice column: Jo writes in about an infuriating blog crush: "Is he trying to push me away, or bring me in closer? Be a challenge or take himself out of the picture? WHAT WHAT WHAT???!!!???"

For now, back to regular programming.

Xo,
BB

Tuesday, December 6, 2005

Today we have a guest blogger, Mr. Helpful, who was generous enough to provide this detailed update as to my whereabouts. (Trixie will check in as soon as she returns from Milan, where she has been partying with the Italian soccer team.)

****

Dateline: Whistler Mountain, Great White North Tuesday, December 6th HNN (Helpful News Network)

Amidst great sighs of relief from the general public, Whistler Mountain skier Breakup Babe was found yesterday, unharmed, after a massive search.

"Hey guys, how's it going?" BB said as she was pulled from a giant snow drift. "Anyone wanna pre-order my book?"

BB was discovered upside down in the snow bank with only the tips of her skis sticking out of the white powder.

"Geesh, we thoot she was a goner fer sure, head down in the snow like that, eh?" said Martin Levesque, a full, red blooded Canadian with French overtones. "But then we saw her wiggle her ski tips in a really cute fashion and we knew she was ok, eh?"

"Ya, and after we got her oot of the snow, she told us to go away and send some really hunky ski gods to save her, eh?" added rescuer Frenchy Le Pew.

"Then she jumped back into the snow drift and began wiggling her ski tips really fast, eh? So we did what she said because, you know, she's American and all of that, eh. We went and got Ben and Hank. They used to be lumberjacks in the Great White North. Now they lift rail cars up by hand for a living. She seemed a lot happier when them two showed up and they dont even know how to ski, eh?"

When asked how she ended up in the snow bank in the first place, BB had one word.

"Paparazzi. I was running from the paparazzi, those bastards. My book isn't even out and they're camping outside my hotel room, bugging me at dinner and chasing me down the sides of great big mountains. I tried to offer them a million dollars Canadian to leave me alone and they threw it back at me, saying that's only like two dollars American so dont make them laugh, eh? So I had to jump into that snow drift in order to escape from them.

Sergeant Pierre Boulanger of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police smiled as he admired BB's cute ski bunny outfit and listened to her tale of woe.

"Yeah, it's a story we hear often up here in the Great White North, eh?,"
he said. "Heck fire, there was one time when famous Canadian actor, Martin Short, actually had to pretend he was a man to escape the photographers. Sure was funny, watching him butch up like that."

Reporters tried to get a final comment from BB but she was too busy being lifted up by Ben and Hank to say anything other than "Get lost, losers, can't you see I'm busy?"

You are now up to date via HNN (Helpful News Network).

Monday, December 5, 2005

Hello from Whistler! Can someone get me out of here please?

Oh wait, this is the premier ski destination in North America! Right. OK! Only two hours til I leave!

Oh just kidding. Sort of. I can't complain, seeing as I got to stay at the Four Seasons on Geeksoft's dime, in an executive suite, no less! I got lots of other free stuff, too - a lift ticket, ski rentals, and some pretty kickass free food.

But the bottom line? I am not much of a downhill skier. For one, I do not have the right clothes. Instead of looking like a sleek ski bunny, I look like a red balloon. Two, I do not like crowds. Or corporate resorts. Three, thanks to parents who also didn't like crowds or corporate resorts, I never really learned to 1)downhill ski very well or 2)like it very much. (Though, with some private coaching from a studly ski god, I'm sure I could tear up the slopes. Mmm. Remember the Jewish Ski God? I would have been a damn fine skier by now had that been more than just a hot little fling).

Anyway, I do love mountains and I do love snow and there is plenty of that round here. So I am not complaining. Really!

In other news, I think it would be fun to have a weekly Breakup Babe advice column. We all know I'm the last person anyone would want advice from, yet people ask me for it all the time anyway! So, I say let's try it. Once a week, on Mondays, I'll answer your dating-related questions. Take my advice and you'll be certain never to find a lasting relationship again! E-mail your questions to breakupbabe@msn.com.

OK, fleeing the crowds and the ski bunnies now.

Friday, December 2, 2005

Greetings, poor neglected Breakup Babies. Because I have been such a bore lately, stuffing my face with turkey, sulking about the fact that I CAN’T BLOG ABOUT ANYTHING INTERESTING ANYMORE, worrying (though not actually doing anything about) about my next book, talking (though not actually doing anything about) my escape to the southern tip of the world, that, starting soon, I’m going to have a guest blogger in here occasionally to liven things up.

That’s right. My more free-spirited, uninhibited, alter ego, Trixie. Now with a name like Trixie, why would you worry about anything? Especially when you’re young(ish), successful(ish), popular(ish), adventurous, fun-loving, and blonde, blonde, blonde? She doesn’t mope around because she’s not tied down by some pot-bellied, middle-aged, overworked, cheating husband – no! Or that her biological alarm clock has been going off for a good two years now– oh no! She just hits the damn snooze and goes back under the covers with that oh-so-cute 20-something Lothario she met at Aspen! (Or was it Vail?)

But since Trixie is sleeping off a big night, you’re stuck with me today. And I have a few updates for you before I myself disappear to Whistler for the weekend.

*I am now quitting my day job because as of last month, I made – brace yourself, people $23 as a professional musician!

*In other music-related trivia, the great tragedy of my youth was redeemed the other day, when I wrote a fan e-mail to the brilliant Devin Davis, who actually answered me! (The great tragedy of my youth, of course, being the time my sister and I penned heartfelt love letters to Mickey Dolenz (me) and Davey Jones (her), only to have them RETURNED to us by the record label because of course the Monkees had long since middle-aged obscurity by then because no one saw fit to inform us poor, innocent little souls (Mom?!!!) that, in 1975 what we were watching was reruns. Anyway, buy Devin's album because it is pretty and happy and poppy and sad and because it would make the perfect soundtrack to BB the movie (coming to as Cineplex near you in 2007!).

Now, I believe it is time for me to go pack. Alas BB (unlike Trixie) has no cute ski bunny clothes to wear! It’s just as well, I suppose, since my alpine ski skills are spotty and best and if I looked too sleek, I would appear even more ridiculous when I went tumbling down the slopes. So I will remain low-profile in my puffy jacket, plastic pants, and brain bucket, and will simply have to shine in my après-ski attire. That is, if I don’t die falling off a ski lift.

Your truly,
BB