So do you want to hear something really sad?

No of course you don’t, you want me to be "funny" like I was in the "old days" when I wrote about men or whatever.

But today I’m sad so too bad.

Two nights ago my boyfriend ex-boyfriend was at my house. In the middle of the night he gave me the longest, sweetest kiss. It woke me up and surprised me and thrilled me because my boyfriend ex-boyfriend hadn’t kissed me like that in a long time and I’d been dying inside because of it.

And I thought, maybe he hasn’t really gone away. Maybe he is still here in spirit as well as body even though it doesn’t feel like it most of the time. Maybe that affection of his that was so bright and hot and blinding like the sun - will come back.

The next morning, I told him, stupidly, how much I'd liked that middle-of-the-night kiss. I knew I was taking a gamble when I held it out for him like that. I knew he could take it away. And he did. He looked at me, raised his eyebrow, and shot me a suspicous look from those brilliant and beautiful blue eyes. “What?," he said. "I don’t remember that.”

So then my heart broke just a little more. I thought to myself "He was kissing someone else in his dreams." Then I thought, "That is ridiculous."

But it wasn’t so ridiculous as I thought.

And that is my sad story for the day. I can only hope someone is kissing me like that in their dreams.

I am turning my comments off now because I am in a bad mood.

Love,
Rebecca