I’ve Said It Before and I’ll Say it Again



I love Banana Republic.



Not because they’re reasonably priced. We all know they’re not. Not because they pay their impoverished sweatshop employees well to make their clothes. No, nothing so noble as that.



It’s because, people, I bought a pair of pants there yesterday, which were a size 2. Yes, size 2. That is almost a size 0! Which means I’ve almost disappeared (which is a whole different theoretical alley we won’t explore just yet).



Banana Republic makes big old pants. That’s why women will pay $148 for a pair of jeans! So they can say they’re a size 2! (For the record, I did not pay $148 for my SIZE TWO pants, because they were on sale for $40, but I would have been tempted.)



Now, listen. Let’s get things straight. I am not a size 2. It’s true that over the last two years, due to the Heartbreak Diet, I have been known to be a size 4. At times, a snug size four, but a size four nonetheless. At times, a size 6. But not without the constant fear that I will wake up the next morning and suddenly be, once again – gasp! – a size 8.



See, this is the thing. We’re all taught to dream of being a size 6. But it’s not all that. Once you’re there, you still think you’re fat (not that you were ever really fat before). You fret constantly about the possibility of gaining a pound. Two! Of no longer being able to fit into those $148 pants you just bought!



In any case, I have certainly not shrunk since the last time I bought a pair of Banana Republic pants. If anything, I have gained weight – possibly a whole 2.5 pounds. But their pants have clearly gotten bigger!



For those of you really are that teeny-tiny, I’m not sure what you’ll do. As far as I could tell they were not yet making negative sizes. And if they did, would that make us feel good or bad to be a -2?



In other news, depending on the weather, the amount of sleep I’ve gotten the night before, and what paragraph I’ve just read in “Fear of Flying,” I drift in and out of hope or cynicism about my future with Library Boy, alternating with the (fleeting) sense that life is adventure to be lived now, and by God if I’m not living it, and the future will take care of itself!



If only I could hold on to that one.