So I did it. Yay, me!



I dumped someone.



You go girl!



Me, who usually clings to going-nowhere relationships like a life raft in a violent ocean, until cute boy XYZ, aware that we’re going to die a prolonged, painful death anyway, does the humane thing and pushes me overboard. Splash! Gurgle. Drown.



The time, however, it was moi who pushed cute Silent But Deadly Boy (SBDB) and his many chest hairs off the raft. Before he got to tell me “Blah blah there are too many variables (that’s a big word, don’t hurt yourself, SBDB!) in my life to commit blah blah, You’re still hung up on your ex anyway, blah blah, I have a gut feeling we’re not meant to be, blah blah, but by the way, can I f*ck you one more time and say, and can we still do that thre*some?”



Oh, I had loads of fun drinking, dancing, and drugging with SBDB and his big ole’ you-know-what. He was a good rebound. And I suspect Mr. "Too Many Variables" might come crawling back.



You see, that’s my master plan. They’re all going to come crawling back. In fact, they’ve already started. First Sexy Boy (SB), and then the L’il Rockclimbing Spy (LRS). I won’t bore you with the details. Yawn. And I know it has to do with me not being interested in them anymore, which is a subject I don’t really want to explore, because I’ve been told that to keep a guy’s attention, I need to play hard to get or play by The Rules, and I just CAN’T. I’m sorry. I’m constitutionally unable to play hard to get, unless I just don’t f*cking care.



Anyway, it’s nice to have them flitting around, as long as they don’t distract me, which is a danger, as I’m easily distractable.



Meanwhile, I have bigger fish to fry. Yes, Breakup Babe will be going to Los Angeles this weekend for fun in the sun, Hollywood parties, and negotiations for Breakup Babe, The Movie. I’ll be meeting with Marissa Tomei, Sarah Michelle Gellar, and Janean Garafolo, who are absolutely dying to play me, along with Johnny Depp, who has some bee in his bonnet to play the doctor. Pee Wee Herman is auditioning for the role of Loser and they say Brad Pitt wants to play SBDB, but I don’t think he has enough chest hairs.



I’ll also be rendezvousing with the newest and brightest star in the BB galaxy, Pierced Politician Boy (PPB) (PPB, this is the last time you’re allowed to read the blog), with whom I had the most fabulous blind date ever in Portland two weeks ago. Have you ever kissed anyone with a pierced tongue? Highly recommended.