OK, I am coming out of my dating slump. Not that you would know it by the amount of time I spend clinging to ex-boyfriends, with whom my relationships are - if not dead -- then in a persistent vegetative state. But this, too, will pass. Spring is in the air and so is s*x for Breakup Babe! I mean love. Well I mean if I can't get love, I'll take s*x. You know what I mean!

Becuase you just can't keep me down for long. I have an unquenchable thirst for boys. And I've been down for long enough! Three months regretting this, mooning over that. It might take me a bit longer to adjust to a drug-free life, but once I do watch out.

As for the personal ads, they yielded their usual mixed bag of sleazoids, old dudes, bad hair, and remote possibilities. But I have to thank my applicants for responding to me yet again. For looking at that picture of me and my perky cleavage and thinking, "Yeah, I gotta have me some of that!" You've quasi-restored my ego.

(I do have to say that yesterday I looked like I'd just tumbled out of bed with Jake Gyllenhall. It must have been my fluffy shirt and my tousled hair, but my goodness, the men couldn't keep their eyes - or hands - off me. So what if I'm reaching my golden years! I still got it! )

Anyway. There is a boy who has been like a little rosebud in the desert of my love life. The thing is, he lives far away and I've only ever talked to him on the phone. But every time I do, it reminds me that sweet, considerate, unf*cked up men exist. Men whose mission it is to make me feel good every time they talk to me.

How rare is it to talk to a boy and have them want to know all about you, rather than blabbing about themselves? It is rare, I tell you. How rare is it for a boy to say I'm going to call you this weekend, at exactly this time, and then do it? How rare is it to find a boy who does all that, and has a good job, and does fun stuff, and is happy with his life and not in need of anti-depressants?

I hope, someday, to meet him. Until I do, he's a reminder that all the most beautiful flowers are waiting to bloom.