This week has been dating lite, which is why I just spent two hours of my life that I will never get back watching The Bachelor. Oy. But it made me feel better about myself. At least I'm not out there desperately searching for a husband on prime-time TV. I do it in the privacy of my own home.



Not that I would mind doing it on prime-time TV. In fact, they're having "auditions" for The Bachelor this week at some godforsaken mall in the southern reaches of Seattle, and I'm thinking of going. For the "experience" of course. Just so I could write about it. If I got picked, well, I'll just have to jump off that bridge when I come to it. But I'm not tall enough, blonde enough, or vapid enough, and I don't use the word "like" nearly enough. Besides, the show I really wanted to be on was "Looking for Love: Bachelorettes in Alaska," but that show seems to have died a silent, unmourned death.



Anyway, a few tired updates from the front lines.



Kickass Lawyer Jew

A new hottie on the scene, who is moving quickly up through the ranks. Cute, outdoorsy, smart, tres adventurous, not to mention idealistic and successful. 36 years old, which is good news for yours truly, who is getting fed up with committment-phobic youngsters. Downside: perhaps humor-impaired. Keep your eye on KLJ as we head into our second date, where I hope to discover if he has a sense of humor. And a large c*ck. Oh wait, sorry, that's the third date.



Mr. Millionaire Boy

I just don't know about this one. As Galpal #1 pointed out, it really wasn't gentlemanly of him to put the moves on me when I was captive at his chalet. Then again, how could he help it? Yeah, yeah, I'll go out with him again. I mean, are financial security and condos at Whistler such a bad thing?



Charming Elfin Boy

A set-up from GalPal #4. Cute. Charming. Funny. Assertive (E-mailed the morning after our first date and asked me out for the coming weekend. You gott like that in a guy!) Not sure if I'm attracted to him. Plus, he's leaving the damn country. But. You. Never. Know.



Cute Train Boy

I can't help it. I like this boyish boy best. But my prospects are not looking good. After a flying start, our relationship is moving at the pace of a disabled snail. CTB disappeared this week in the throes of a "reclusive funk," in which he apparently talked to no one, including me. Tauruses. We Geminis have bigger fish (millionaires, lawyers, elves) to fry and can't sit around waiting for you and your funks. Too bad you're so #$*& appealing, CTB.



That's it, folks. All the news thats fit to print.