You know I’m sick when I go to the store wearing sandals with striped socks, a purple hat, and a dark blue fleece jacket three sizes too large.

Especially because, on principal (and unlike the majority of fashion-impaired Seattleites), I do not wear fleece to parties, fancy restaurants, etc. I wear it for outdoor activities and outdoor activities ONLY.

Except of course, when I’m sick. As in-I-must-go-to-the-store-and-get-cold medicine-and-tissues-ASAP sick. As in I-feel-too-disgusting-to even-put on-my-nice-coat-and-brand new-pointy- $200-boots-that-I-just-bought-in-New-York-City sick, so I will go out looking like a complete slob DESPITE the possibility of running into at least one former lover (the sleazy F.) and one potential lover (Hotshot Lawyer Boy) at this earthy-crunchy store.

And, since aforementioned store would never carry something as unnatural as Actifed, I wait for 10 minutes while "Jane," the “Personal Care Manager," dispenses advice about vegan multivitamins to some long-haired dude, so I can get her opinion on which natural cold remedy to buy.

Well, lemme tell you, there’s a huge difference between homeopathic remedies and herbal remedies, which Jane gladly explains to met in great depth while I stand there sniffling and dripping, wanting nothing more than to get back home and watch "Wet Hot American Summer." Then she sells me a ten dollar bottle of freeze-dried nettles. Yes, nettles. She says it’s the closest thing to Actifed there is in the herbal (not homeopathic!) world, and because I'm too lazy to drive 10 more blocks to Safeway, I buy it.

And I feel too disgusting to even talk about sex and dating and boys, if you can believe that. Let’s just say I had a great time on the ex-boyfriend tour of NYC (though I only saw one ex-boyfriend; the other one didn’t deign to show up which really shouldn’t surprise me since he dumped me for that ho’ S.J. at the homecoming dance, who is still as bitchy as she ever was – I mean, grow UP! – and an Internet millionaire to boot, not that I’m bitter), and there was no sex or dating or boys, except for of the platonic sort. And hey, maybe that’s why I had a good time.

Now, for the freeze dried nettles. If they don't work and I can't sleep, I might have to call in sick to work tomorrow -- oh no!