After a pleasant evening spent conversing with my insightful friend Guypal #1, I have come to see an essential truth about my dating behavior that I did not see before:



I am effed up.



I can attract men but not keep them. At least not the ones I want.



I go into every dating situation assuming it's not going to work out, assuming the guy is a jerk, assuming they won't want me.



So is it such a surprise that that usually happens? Someone famous said something smart like "Attitude determines outcome." Well if that's true no wonder I usually end up crying in my beer.



Here's what I want. I want to be in control without being detached. I want to be assertive without being pushy. I don't want to have a nervous breakdown because some guy hasn't sent me an e-mail in the last two hours. I don't want to freak out because things aren't going exactly how I think they should go.



I want to have patience.



I want to go into each situation knowing - and remembering this - I am very worthy of someone's love. And sometimes, I don't know why, I forget this very simple fact.