Now, don't get me wrong. Things are pretty good in the life of your favorite swinging single.



There is, however, just one tiny little thing bothering me.



Weekend mornings.



I mean, I just want someone to have breakfast with me. Is that so much to ask?



As for the other relationship stuff, well, I don't need it. Really. Although it would be nice to have someone take care of me when I'm sick. Oh, and someone to change my diapers when I'm old and incontinent. And someone to smother me with kisses, now and always.



But forget all that. I can't be too greedy, after all. It would be nice just to have someone to go to breakfast with (because God forbid I should ever keep any breakfast food in the house - that would be far too practical and economical.) Especially because my favorite breakfast place is this grungy vegan joint that is always packed with dredlocked hipsters hanging out in big groups, and 99.9% of the time I go there it is moi, toute seule.



And I don't mind it that much but I do mind it a little. Because weekend mornings are my sad and lonely time. The one time I would really like someone around to hold on to.



The rest of the time, well, I'm just a whiskey-swigging, karaoke-singing dynamo partying her childbearing years away.



Because who needs love when there' s so much shallow, meaningless fun to be had?