OK, I agree it’s really not fair.

What’s with me and all these gorgeous males? It might be exaggeration to say they’re swarming. Then again, it might not.

Maybe it’s some kind of karmic retribution for the torture I endured last summer.
Someone’s way of saying, “Congratulations, Breakup Babe, you survived your new job and your broken heart despite [ARCHIVE SCRUB OCCURRED HERE - OUCH!] Not only did you survive, you thrived, and for that I’m sending to you a gift-wrapped bevy of beautiful hommes with whom to enjoy yourself. Bon appetit!”

As if Indie Rock Dad (IRD) and South African Boy (SAB) weren’t enough, just the other night, my mysterious benefactor handed me Adorable Journalist Boy (AJB), a tall, dark-haired drink of water, who’s sweet and hip and -- it goes without saying -- immensely adorable.

Oy. I mean – yay!

The thing is, you all know about my impending train wreck with IRD. I am smitten. With his British accent, his knife-edged cheekbones, his drop-dead smile. And it’s bound to come to no good, because love never does.

And so I am engaged in DefensiveDating ™. To hedge my bets, as they say.

Not that I am officially dating SAB at this point in time. No, we are merely joined at the hip, entertaining each other at work (where he is like bottled sunshine in my windowless office), engaging in datelike activities outside work, but without any of the stuff that might make it messy, or, um, really fun.

It’s quite perfect, really (except I wish, wish WISH he would take his shirt off again). Because we all know what would happen to our workplace lovefest should we get involved and (inevitably) break up. Meanwhile, I get to be the focus of his adoring attentions, which prevents me from investing too much in IRD.

And AJB. Mmm. Am still deciding what to do about that one. Not much time in my schedule, naturally, so I think he can be my Tuesday night date.

I'll also come clean about my other men just so he doesn't fall madly in love with me (until I want him too, that is). He'll be fine with being part of my DefensiveDating ™ coterie; I mean, men want what they can't get, right? And if things go well with IRD, well maybe I'll pass AJB off to a deserving galpal. Until then, he's MINE!

As you might guess, I'm a bit lacking in sleep these days. A concerned reader recently wrote that I should "swear off men and drugs and alcohol until [I] finish [my] book." Now that is sound advice if I've ever heard any!

But who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth?

Huh.



Something strange is happening.



I had a very romantic time with Indie Rock Dad (IRD) last night. So romantic, in fact, that a forbidden word kept popping into my head.



You know what word I'm talking about. And I want it to go away! I don't want it around! I haven’t let myself think that word or speak that word in a year.



I mean, yeah. I know. Every guy I meet, I think he’s The One for about a week and then I dump him in favor of The Next One.



And there’s been a lot of the other L word. Lust. We like that word around here. Lllllllllllllllllllllust. But have you heard me even mention the that other word once? NO.



And just for the record I’m not saying the L word now either. I’m merely alluding to it.



Because it could just be a case of lust. We all know the tricks lust plays on you. It easily masquerades as the “L” word. I am especially susceptible to lust masquerading as that other thing.



But I swear to God I had that falling in um, you know, feeling last night. It might have been a long time since I’ve felt it but I certainly haven’t forgotten it.



It can only lead to no trouble, I know that much. For one, I don't know if I trust this guy. He was tres squirrely for a while there -- I want you, I want you not. And if he likes me so much, why isn't he more jealous about Breakup Babe's other boys of summer?



I'm probably about to get hit by a train. But oh my, how it feels good to lay down on those tracks, open your arms, and feel the heat and the heaviness and the thrill as it rushes towards you.

All righty then!



I recently made the mistake of starting to date someone smart. I also made the mistake of bragging about my blog too much and thowing around catchy phrases with too much abandon.



Let's just say this: Security has been breached.



Indie Rock Dad found the blog. From an e-mail I received this morning.



"Dear R,

While munching my breakfast, I idly typed in "seething mass of contradictions" into Google, since it is such a delightful phrase, and out popped your blog about 3 links down. Oops."

Ahem.



He didn't get angry. He didn't dump me. He, in fact, wrote me a very nice e-mail apologizing for finding it, telling me I was a good writer, and expressing the desire that I didn't dump HIM.



Which of course I don't want to do because I like him a lot, SAB's shoulders be damned. There is a lot more to say on this topic but there is a pressing issue at hand, which is...



What to do about dear old Breakup Babe now that one of the current boys has found it? We all know what happened when I made the mistake of dating someone who read my blog before. Bad. News.



Is it time for a new blog? A new persona? Am I over my breakup enough to become someone else so that I can keep myself hidden from IRD? Or is he just going to be dust in the wind in two weeks anyway, like LRS, MB, SB, HLB, KLG, SBDB, PPB, MMB, CTB, ACB, CGLB?



Help me out my dear readers, because I, for once, am at a loss.

Le U.N. Backpacking Trip Part Deux



Anguished moment #1

See Thrilling moment #5 in last entry. As SAB and I exchange massages by the creek, I worry that IRD will appear and:



-Break up our idyll

-Break up with me (after all, I had been making out in the tent with him 15 minutes before).



But, I think, it's just a massage, right? No big deal, right? I'm not a bad person, right?



Except SAB's shoulders are sooooo strong, mmmmm....



Anguished moment #2

Night #2. My affections have shifted, somewhat, from IRD to SAB (Is it just human nature? Perversely wanting what you don't have, the way I wanted IRD so bad before he wanted me? Or is it just SAB's rock hard shoulders?)



IRD and I are sleeping outside. Everyone else is planning to sleep in the tents but haven't gone to bed yet. We've both thrown our sleeping bags on the ground while SAB sits by the fire right next to us.



As soon as I get in my sleeping bag, IRD sweetly cuddles up to me and throws his arm over me -- WHILE SAB IS RIGHT THERE. Well, his arm is hidden in the sleeping bag, but still. I freeze up. Does SAB see? SAB goes to bed and I lie there wondering over and over what, if anything, he saw. Thinking over and over what a mean, awful girl I am.



To Be Continued...

Jeez. Unless I post every five minutes, there's no way to keep up with the ever-changing currents of my fickle heart. So read quick before everything changes yet again!



Le United Nations Backpacking Trip



Thrilling moment #1

Half an hour into the hike, Indie Rock Dad, owner of the outrageously sexy smile, tells me he has now"changed his mind about me" and wants to date. Ow!



Thrilling moments #2,#3,#4

Getting it on with IRD in tiny REI tent. Quietly, of course...



Thrilling moment #5

Massage #1 from South African Boy (SAB) by babbling creek, mountains in distance.



Thrilling moment #6

When I reciprocate and massage his strong, hard, bronzed shoulders, the most beautiful I have seen in years, it's all I can do not to gush "OOhhhhh, your arms, they are sooo STRONG!" and prostrate myself before him.



Thrilling moment #7

Sleeping under stars with SAB. Chastely and innocently, but oh the undercurrent...



Thrilling moment #8

IRD and SAB attempt, together, to throw me into cold rushing river because of my "sarcasm" and Sly but Philosophical Russian Boy (SPRB) rescues me. For a good ten seconds, I am clasped in an intimate embrace with three spectacular specimens of manhood.



[Quote from brilliant blogger Odious Woman on seeing the backpacking pix, "Oh my GOD. They are ALL TOTALLY HOT. How did you not break down and just have a foursome right there in the middle of nowhere?"]



Thrilling moment #9

A shirtless SAB throws me over his broad, bronzed shoulders like I'm nothing but the lightest wisp of female and jumps into azureRoss Lake with me. My seventh grade fantasies come true!



Thrilling moment #10

Massage #2 from SAB at the end of trip, this time in full view of IRD (Are we noticing a trend here?)



And the thrills go on. By night I have dark-haired IRD (tres steamy) by day I have blonde SAB, for coffee, lunch, adoration.



Can I just say, this summer rocks? Especially in comparison to last summer, my GOD.

3 nights in mountains + 3 boys [2 of whom am interested in] = 143 mosquito bites, 1 suntan, 2 aching shoulders, 13 stolen kisses, infinite number of happy moments (jagged peaks, aqua lakes, sunlit glades, much attention), 21 anguished moments, and 1 very confused brain.



to be continued...

I should be fast asleep right now, given that I have to get up at five a.m. tomorrow for the United Nations backpacking trip, but I just couldn’t leave you poor little readers in suspense any longer.



1) What happened to Charming But Goofy Lawyer Boy, you’re wondering? 2) Did he ever put out? 3) Did BB make the practical choice, for once, the patient choice, and stay with the nice – if sexless -- boy instead of throwing him over for the sexy but schizophrenic Indie Rock Dad (also known as Seething Mass of Contradictions, or SMC), who claims he just wants to be “friends” but hops all over me every chance he gets?



Answers

1. Gone

2. No

3. No



4) And what about South African Boy, whose sunny blonde attentions have made every day at the corporate compound a happy day for BB? Have their daily coffees, lunches, weekend hiking trips turned into anything beyond a fun flirtation? 5) Is there actual potential here?



Answers

4. No

5. Even if there were, he works across the hall for crying out loud! Could I POSSIBLY do that to myself AGAIN? (Don't answer that.)



6) And the question first and foremost on your minds? Who is BB going to a share a tent with on the backpacking trip – the cute Brit (IRD) (who knows SAB is flirting with me), the cute South African (SAB) (who knows nothing about my close encounters with IRD), or the cute Russian (no acronym as of yet)?



7)And if BB shares a tent with IRD, who is really the most logical choice, seeing as they already know each other in the Biblical sense, will she lose any chance she might have with SAB?



8) Will there be bloodshed on this backpacking trip?



Answers

6) Maybe, as the Yeti suggested, I should sleep with one each night, and compare their "talent."

7) What do you think? I am clearly not in the most fit mental state.

8) I hope so. I mean, I hope not.



Just remember, I am doing my part for world peace this weekend.. What are you doing?