OK. I’ve realized what my biggest weakness is when it comes to men. Cheekbones.



This would explain my last two big mistakes. Loser. Indie Rock Dad. I overlooked all their issues, and why? Because of their exquisite cheekbones.



See, we have no cheekbones in my family. We are all puffy cheeks and weird multiple chins. So apparently I am programmed to value high cheekbones in a mate above all other qualities, including mental health and emotional availability.



This hitherto unearthed obsession with cheekbones would also explain my current attraction (downgraded from megacrush) to Melancholy Hipster Boy.



MHB is, in a word, adorable. But also, alas, emotionally unavailable. (Please remind me of this statement in a month when I declare my undying love for him.)



Now since none of my friends have met him, his adorableness cannot be confirmed. He may well be, for all I know, truly obnoxious and obsequious, but -- because of those cheekbones glinting in the starlight -- that farm-fresh blonde hair and periwinkle blue eyes (not a look I usually go for, mind you), not to mention that cute little engineers cap he had on last night -- I cannot see it. I see adorableness.



But at least I was not so blinded by adorableness as to miss his emotional unavailability. Though he touched and flirted with me all night long, it was clear his thoughts were elsewhere. Inside his own head. Sucked up by his grief towards the woman who dumped him and left him for some other guy a few months ago. And with trying to fix other stuff in his life that’s broken.



MHB is, in a word, depressed. And while I know I cheered him up by dragging him to a karaoke bar, where he sang and laughed into the small hours of the evening, I also know he’s not what I need.



I mean, I’m actually happy at the moment. And I’ve mostly been made unhappy by adorable, high-cheekboned, depressed men.



So guess who I should not fall in love with? Guess who I will try (perhaps unsuccessfully) to stay away from? Guess who I will try to actually make it work with? Who is actually happy and into me, though he does not have high cheekbones?



Well just stay tuned Breakup Babies, and find out.