Egads. Remind me never to come back from vacation again, would you?



I am currently on Day 2, post-vacation, otherwise known as when-everything-fell-apart-at-work-and-in-my-personal-life-and-why- didn't-I-just-buy-a-house-on-the-Oregon-coast-when-I-was-down-there-where-it-is-actually-affordable Hell.



OK,OK, I exaggerate.



Things did not completely fall apart with Library Boy (who still has not trimmed his nosehairs by the way, despite me giving him a nosehair trimmer, and I don't CARE if he reads this, so THERE!) He merely told me last night that after some "soul-searching," he's decided he does not want to have children. This was after I put a wee bit of pressure on him several weeks ago, by blurting out, apropos of nothing, "I don't wan't to fall madly in love with you only to find out you don't want children!"



Ahem. Granted, this would be enough to make most men run screaming. But it had to be said, people!



Maybe I only want children because I have been brainwashed into thinking I do, because, after all, who wants to be awash in diapers and poop and vomit and drool for years on end when you could live in a nice home with nice furniture that isn't covered in strained peas, but damn it, it has nonetheless been in my general life plan since I was oh, two years old, and swaddling my teddy bears in diapers!



OK, maybe I didn't actually do that. It's just that I saw J. and A's superstar three-year old putting diapers on her Elmo doll and I thought it would make a good example of how we females are PROGRAMMED FROM BIRTH to put diapers on!



While we're on the topic of the superstar three-year old, I'll add that the high point of my vacation came with her. It was lunchtime at yet another beautiful empty Oregon coast beach, oh somewhere halfway down the coast. While the other adults milled about on the bluff above, we wandered to the beach to check out the scene.



Of course what does she want to do but take off her shoes and run in the waves? I, jaded and weary as I was, tried to resist the taking-off-shoe-plan, but when it was clear that she was hell-bent on touching that marble-green oceanwater with her toes, I was forced to.



Well! Never, I tell you, never have I seen a person be so happy or laugh so hard as did Superstar Child as we ran in and out of that water, which chased us and retreated like some crazy animal on that sparkling beach.



Those peals of laughter so packed with joy just broke right through me, people, and lo and behold I was happy too! Pure and simply happy to be there in that perfect moment. Feeling like I, too, was being chased for the first time by that big blue thing called the ocean.



So there you have it. One reason I want to have kids.



And now I have used up all my creative energy on that digression so let's forget about the rest of this dilemma til tomorrow, shall we?



Oh except to say that after that lovely discussion with LB, I then proceeded to have the best s*x of my life with him. Go f*cking figure.

Search for true love over? Yeah, right!



What kind of drugs was I on anyway? Oh yes, many, I forgot.



I've been on vacation my darling ones, and I suppose I forgot to tell you. But I am back and I have dirt.



Namely about the Two-month Talk I had with Library Boy last night. And why must there always be a Talk? I thought, maybe, for ONCE, I could get by without a Talk!



But you'll have to be patient just a little longer as I worm my way into grim, gray Seattle reality here after sunny biking soujourn on the Oregon coast.



Stand by.

Now that the search for true love is over, at least for the week, I have a new obsession: real estate!



Egads, wait a minute. Is that actually me speaking? Ms.Free Spirit-who-likes-the-idea-of-being-able-to-leave-town-on-a-moment's-whim-and-move-to-Guatemala-even-though-she-won't-unless-there's-a-cute-boy-to-go-with-her?



Something strange is happening to me this month. I have been craving a 1)dog and a 2)house, in that order. A baby? Eh. Well, I think the dog - a golden retriever puppy, thank you - will be a substitute for that. And at least if I DO have a baby EVER, I will be able to trust my golden retriever with it, unless the baby has the misfortune to have a tennis ball anywhere near its being, in which case there is no telling what disasters may ensue!



Jesus, I'm old and boring now.



No. I'm not, really! Because, after all, I haven't found true love YET. I mean, so yes, I feel like I'm falling in love with Library Boy, but in the immortal words of Tina Turner, "What's love got to do with it?



He could yet turn out to have marriage- or children-phobia, or be a psycho of the first order (like the last two men I had the misfortune to fall in love with).



Just because so far he's been nothing but loving and sweet and into me - reminding me that relationships don't always HAVE to be hard - and just because I am now irretrievably swept up in his aura of sexy romance, and just because we spent last Saturday night singing John Denver songs in my kitchen while he played guitar, doesn't mean anything except that I am - once again! - in a position to get my heart broken.



A golden retriever will never break my heart, I can tell you that. Although I would be lying if I said that when I saw my dream townhome last night - a dramatic, beautiful place hip enough, light enough, and spacious enough for any writer to call home-I did wonder if Library Boy would like it. If there would be enough space in the backyard for the garden he would want to grow.



Of course, when I told him all about it, I didn't mention that little fact. I just told him how pretty it was, and how there was a park across the street, and how I loved the high ceilings and the way dining the area was lofted over the living room. I mentioned how there would be plenty of room for a dog, but I didn't say there would be plenty of room for him - which there would be. And for our darling infant.



Funny, though, how last night and today, I thought desperately of that townhouse, and felt that no other place would be right for me. But I don't have my loan yet, and others have made offers, and it's probably too expensive for me anyway - but still, I want it. It's PERFECT for me.



Just like so many other boys in the past were PERFECT. And then they were not. I went online searching desperately for another place today, but nothing, of course, looked as good.



Undoubtedly though, my real dream home is out there waiting for me. Patiently.



As for the dreamy boy, well, I've got my earnest money in my hand, but damn if I'm scared to put it down. I have made such bad investments in the past. Obviously, dating has prepared me for adventures in real estate. But are there any tips from the real estate world that could help me with dating?

[ARCHIVE SCRUB OCCURRED HERE - OUCH!]